I’m 50 pounds overweight and looking for an easy way to get a six-pack for a party in two weeks. I was thinking about taking a Trimspa tablet with my morning bowl of Cap’n Crunch with whole milk; ordering a Diet Coke instead of regular Coke with my afternoon Big Mac Super Value Meal; then after my usual dinner of fried food, salt, cheese, and buttered bread, I’ll have a cup of green tea while I sit on the couch and watch TV all night munching on a family-size bag of Doritos.

I don’t have time to workout and the gym is over ½ mile away, so I was thinking about buying a sauna belt from an infomercial.

How much weight do you think I’ll lose?